- It wasn’t until I became a mother that I could forgive my mother.
Growing up, I was constantly angry at, and resentful of, my mother’s poor health.В During my elementary and middle school years, I often sat in a variety of doctors’ waiting rooms after school while my friends were enjoying soccer practice, dance or a multitude of other activities.В
I loved to play soccer at recess and was envious of all of the kids who sported Troy Parks and Rec.cobalt blue soccer jackets because I wished I could play too.В Although I begged to participate in certain activities, the answer was always no because my parents never knew when my mom’s Lupus would flare up and they feared I would be left at practice.В Perhaps they wouldn’t admit to not wanting to attend any games or track meets, so they figured it best to prohibit me from playing anything altogether.В
My mother had broken her knee-cap when she worked as a nurse when I was two-years-old which caused her to walk with a cane for what felt like my entire childhood.В I wished she could be active, ride bikes and swim with me, and I often prayed God would heal her.В In retrospect, I was being a selfish child which I suppose is normal for children of ill or disabled parents who suffer far more than the public ever realizes.
Children look forward to special events and sometimes even ordinary ones.В In third grade, I sprinted home from school because we were going to Disney World for spring break.В My dad opened up the front door and said, «Sorry sweetheart, you mom is not feeling well.Her back is really bad, so we have to cancel our trip.В Don’t worry; we’ll make it to Disney someday.»В I recall staring down at the concrete on the porch, thinking it was cold and stiff, and feeling the same way about my parents.В That day, I was beyond crushed and we never did make it to Disney World.В
In high school, I was old enough to do things on my own- get myself to and from work when neither parent could drive me; go out with my friends who so graciously carted me around town, and even hitch rides from friends to religious conferences and local meetings.В Deep down, I was still angry of my mom for depriving me of what I felt was a в
